As humans, we are evolutionarily wired to see the world through a slightly negative lens, also known as negativity bias, and it is an inherited survival mechanism.
Our ancestors were much more likely to survive when they stayed alert to potential threats (like predators) than by focusing on pleasant and positive things.
But in this day and age, we don’t really spend our days in forests and open fields scavenging for food - most of us spend our days under fluorescent lights in a stuffy office, yet we're just as alert to negativity as our predecessors.
That’s why seeing the good in people, especially in ourselves, can feel like a bit of a conscious effort.
It’s something I have been thinking about lately, especially after my 37th birthday.
You know how it goes - you get older, you feel the pressure of societal expectations - where you should be, what you should have accomplished by now, all the things you should be able to show for your name...
should should should should...
And it got me reflecting on the last 2.5 years, ever since I left my corporate boss bitch era and started my softer entrepreneurship era - what have I accomplished?
And what I realised, and what kinda shocked me, wasn’t so much what I have done, but who I’ve become along the way.
The person that I am today, and how different this version is from the one who closed the office door for the very last time in September 2023.
And yes, I saw some bits and pieces along the way - like the new habits and daily routines, setting healthy boundaries, saying no more often without feeling guilty... But the biggest part that I didn’t see is how I wasn’t afraid to feel anymore. How I learned to be present with my emotions.
I used to be very emotionally reactive, and that was something that created a lot of shame in my life.
I would suppress all my emotions, pushing them down as far as I could, but always feeling them bubbling under the surface, until they would just explode out of me - at home with my partner, with my friends, my family, and even at work.
And after the explosion came the shame spiral - blame, shame, self-criticism, just awful emotional abuse towards myself.
And then the cycle would start again.
I grew up believing that emotions are something that I shouldn't feel, that showing emotions meant I was weak, and (my favourite) that they are inconvenient to others.
What a bowl of bullshit. Excuse my language 🤭
The truth is, emotions are just energy in motion. They are the way our body communicates with us - anger might show you that your needs are not being met or that your boundaries have been overstepped.
And avoiding the emotion of anger can lead to procrastination, depression, passive aggression, feelings of being stuck, disappointment, and guilt.
And the more suppressed emotions we carry in our system, the more reactive we become to stress - the smallest inconveniences can send us spiralling.
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there - in a highly stressful period of life, rushing to get out the door, and the smallest inconvenience, like spilling our coffee, pushes us over the edge - cursing, yelling out loud, snapping at our loved ones...
But once you remove the emotions and look at the situation rationally - it’s just spilled coffee, and it takes a minute to clean up. No biggie.
So I want to leave you with this today - no matter who you are, no matter what your goals, dreams, or aspirations are, we can all benefit tremendously from befriending our emotions, creating a daily habit of checking in with ourselves, and allowing ourselves to just feel.
Whether it’s meditation, breathwork, yoga, or simply sitting in stillness and bringing your awareness to your chest and throat area (that’s where we tend to feel them the most), by releasing them, you'll free up an enormous amount of energy that can be used to create an extraordinary life for yourself and those around you.
You are not here by coincidence. You know you are meant for something big. Fear is just fear - don’t let it hold you back ❤️
With all my love,
Darja x
|
|
Obsessed lately:
📚 This book - They say that this book will find you at the right time in your life, and it found me in a random bookshop in Amsterdam on my birthday trip. And it really does seem like the Universe placed me there for a reason, it has changed the way I see life, and my purpose in it. I hope it will do the same to you ❤️
|
PS. That email was forwarded to you? Subscribe here ❤️
|
|
|
