Hey love,

I didn’t plan to write this today.

I was actually supposed to just sit down and finish my PDF on limiting beliefs…

but something completely different unfolded.

And I feel like I need to share it with you 🥹

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So this morning while journaling, I noticed something.

This pattern I’ve had for years:

I get an idea → I get excited → I start → and then… I procrastinate.

Reels. Videos. Guides. Everything.

And it builds this pressure inside of me.

And I always thought I was lacking discipline, consistency or motivation.

But today I realised…It’s fear.

Not fear of failure. But fear of disappointment.

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And when I really sat with that feeling…my body brought up a memory.

I was around 10–12 years old.

I used to go horse riding with my friend and her mum on Sundays.
And I loved it so much. It was my escape. Something I looked forward to all week.

But they didn’t come every Sunday.

And we didn’t have a phone back then.

So I would just sit by the window… waiting 🥺

With carrots and bread in my hands for the horses 😭

Waiting… and waiting…

And sometimes… they just didn’t come.

No message. No explanation.

I remember thinking:

“What did I do wrong?”
“I’ll be better… please just let them come.”

Writing this honestly breaks my heart 💔

That little girl just wanted to feel joy. To get out of a home that didn’t feel safe. To have something good.

And when it didn’t happen…

It felt like the world was ending...the pain of disappointment was too much for her.

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And this is the part that hit me the most:

That moment… shaped me.

Not in a dramatic, obvious “trauma” way. But in a quiet, subtle, nervous-system way.

I learned:

Hope → leads to disappointment
Wanting something → might end in pain
If something doesn’t happen → it might be my fault

So now, as an adult…

I start things. I feel the excitement. And then my body goes:

💭 “Careful… don’t go all in… what if it doesn’t work out?”💭

So I procrastinate. Because a part of me is still trying to protect me from that feeling. Protect me from the pain that was too much for me to hold as a child.

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And this is what I want you to take from this:

You don’t need to have had a “big trauma” for something to shape your beliefs.

As kids, we make everything mean something about us. Because our brains haven't develop fully yet.

“That didn’t work out?”
→ “I must not be good enough.”

“They didn’t show up?”
→ “I must have done something wrong.”

Hello perfectionism. Hello people pleasing.

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And oh boy, I cried. Like really cried.

And it felt like that little version of me was finally being seen.

And what she needed wasn’t success. Or for things to go perfectly.

She just needed to feel seen. To feel like she mattered… like her feelings mattered.

To receive the comfort she didn’t get back then.

So I visualised my adult self going back to that moment…

sitting with her, comforting her, and gently explaining that it wasn’t her fault.

That she didn’t do anything wrong.

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I’m still processing this… but I already feel something shifting.

And I know this is just the beginning of a deeper level of healing.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck, procrastinating, avoiding things you know you want…

Maybe ask yourself:

What am I actually afraid to feel?

Because it’s usually not the thing itself. It’s the emotion underneath it 🥹

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If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you 🤍 Just reply and tell me what came up.

I’m here with you in this.

With all my love,

Darja ❤️

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