There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

It’s the way we judge our past selves.

For the longest time, I used to look back at certain periods of my life and feel almost frustrated with myself.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself similar questions at some point.

For me, those thoughts used to come with a lot of self-criticism. Like I should have known better. Like I should have been stronger, wiser, more aware.

But the more I’ve learned about the brain and the nervous system, the more my perspective has softened.

Because the truth is, we don’t experience life only through logic. We experience it through the state of our nervous system.

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When your system grows up in an environment that feels unpredictable or unsafe, unfortunately, this becomes the norm, familiar.

And the tricky part is that our nervous system often prefers what is familiar, even if it’s not healthy.

You’ve probably heart the saying that’s circling on social media:

“Your brain will always choose a familiar hell over unfamiliar heaven”.

And after diving deep into anatomy of nervous system and the brain, so many of the decisions I made in my early twenties suddenly make a lot more sense.

They weren’t because I lacked intelligence or awareness.

They were simply the choices that felt safest to the version of me that existed at that time.

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Instead of feeling frustrated with my past self, I started feeling compassion for her.

Because she was doing the best she could with the tools and understanding she had at the time.

And honestly, when I look at it that way, I’m actually quite proud of her.

That she kept going, kept searching, and kept asking deeper questions.

And eventually those questions led me to the work I share with you today.

Understanding how our inner world shapes our external reality has been one of the most freeing things I’ve ever experienced.

Because it removed a lot of shame from the equation, and allowed compassion to step in instead 🥹

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It reminds us that growth is not about blaming who we used to be.

It’s about gently expanding beyond it.

So if you ever catch yourself looking back at certain chapters of your life and thinking, “why did I allow that?” or “why didn’t I see it earlier?”

Try this instead:

That version of you was navigating life with the awareness and nervous system capacity they had at the time.

And the fact that you can see it differently now simply means you’ve grown.

And that, in itself, is something worth appreciating ❤️

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With all my love,

Darja ❤️

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